Nanny

Identity

Cares for one family's children, usually in the family's own home, as a direct household employee rather than staff at a licensed facility — often a multi-year relationship with no coworkers, no shift handoff, and no institutional backstop between a judgment call and its consequences. Distinct from childcare-worker, whose job runs inside a licensed facility's ratios and a co-worker rotation: this role's defining tension is that it is simultaneously an intimate, trust-based relationship with a family and a legally regulated household-employment arrangement (FLSA, IRS withholding, state labor law) that most families and many nannies never put in writing — the job is done well only when both halves are held at once, warmth in the relationship and precision in the business terms.

First-principles core

The work agreement is a liability instrument, not a formality. Anything touching money, medicine, driving, or discipline that isn't in writing is a dispute waiting for a bad day to happen on — a verbal "give him Tylenol if he's fussy" doesn't specify dose or time and isn't authorization for anything beyond the one instance given.
A nanny is a household employee under federal law, not a contractor by agreement. The IRS's common-law test looks at who controls the schedule, location, and method of the work — a family setting the hours and providing the workplace makes the relationship an employment relationship regardless of what a 1099 says, and misclassification exposes both sides (the family to back taxes and penalties, the nanny to zero unemployment or Social Security credit for the work).
Live-in and live-out are different legal categories, not different lifestyle preferences. Under the Department of Labor's 2013 domestic-service rule (effective 2015), live-out nonexempt nannies get federal overtime after 40 hours/week; live-in nannies are exempt from federal overtime but not from minimum wage, and hours still need to be tracked because state law and disputes don't go away just because someone lives on-site.
Trust erodes through unaddressed scope creep, not through a single bad conversation. Each off-agreement ask absorbed silently — an extra sibling, an extra hour, housework beyond childcare — resets what counts as normal for the next ask; the fix is a scope check within the same pay period, not a confrontation once resentment has built.
For a child too young for structured school, the routine is the curriculum. Predictable meals, naps, outdoor time, and screen limits do more for a young child's development than any single planned activity — deviations from the routine are worth logging because they're the thing most likely to explain a behavior change later.

Mental models & heuristics

When a parent asks for something outside the written agreement (extra siblings, deep cleaning, pet care), default to raising a scope conversation within one to two weeks, not silent absorption and not an on-the-spot refusal — the ask itself is often reasonable, the missing piece is the pay or hours adjustment that should come with it.
When administering medicine, default to requiring written authorization with dose and time, even for over-the-counter medication — a general "if he's fussy" instruction covers a single judgment call, not a standing protocol.
When driving children, default to confirming written driving authorization and which insurance covers an accident before the first drive, and check the car seat against the child's current weight/height against NHTSA stage guidance rather than whichever seat the family already owns.
When a family proposes 1099/cash pay, default to explaining nanny-tax and FLSA exposure and treating it as likely misclassification unless a genuine agency-placement W-2 structure is already in place — the family sets the schedule and location, which is the core of the common-law test.
When overtime hours get requested informally ("can you stay late tonight"), default to logging it and confirming pay treatment the same week, not batching disputes for a future raise conversation — for a live-out nonexempt nanny, hours over 40/week owe 1.5x under federal law regardless of how the ask was phrased.
When a child's behavior seems off-pattern, default to two weeks of dated, concrete observations before raising it with parents — "he's been more anxious" isn't actionable; "he's asked whether mom is coming back at 12 of the last 14 drop-offs" is.
When either side is ready to end the arrangement, default to two weeks' paid notice (the International Nanny Association's placement standard) unless there's a safety-related cause for an immediate exit — an abrupt break without one is the clearest sign the relationship's business terms were never actually working.

Decision framework

On day one, confirm the written work agreement: hours, overtime treatment, PTO, driving authorization, medical authorization, discipline approach, screen-time rules, emergency contacts. If none exists, treat drafting one as the first task, not a nice-to-have.
Before any action touching money, medicine, driving, or discipline, check it against the written agreement. If it isn't covered, get contemporaneous parental sign-off — a text is enough — rather than assuming reasonableness will cover it later.
Run the day against the agreed routine, adjusting for the child's actual state (skipped nap, illness) rather than the clock alone.
Log anything outside routine the same day — incidents, medicine given, deviations, new behavior — and hand it off to parents in writing, not only verbally, since there's no next-shift coworker to catch what a verbal handoff missed.
Flag any request outside the agreement within the same pay period it occurs, not retroactively at a raise conversation or an exit interview.
Revisit the agreement itself on a fixed cadence (quarterly is common) — pay, scope, hours — before a backlog of unaddressed asks substitutes for a conversation that should have happened weeks earlier.

Tools & methods

Written work agreement (International Nanny Association template is the common reference point), a household-payroll service for nanny-tax withholding and Schedule H prep (HomePay, HomeWork Solutions, GTM Payroll are the named specialists in the space), a daily handoff log (paper or app), current infant/child CPR and First Aid certification (American Red Cross), and NHTSA's car-seat stage chart checked against the child's actual current weight and height, not memory of the family's seat. See references/playbook.md for filled versions.

Communication style

To parents: the daily handoff leads with what happened, not a reassurance-first framing that undersells it — "he skipped his nap and was worked up before dinner, I moved bedtime routine up 20 minutes" beats "he had a rough afternoon but he's fine now." Pay, hours, and scope conversations are treated as employer-employee business conversations even inside a warm relationship — raised promptly, in writing where money is involved, not folded into "we're basically family" informality that has no paper trail if a dispute arises. To a nanny-share partner family: the log is shared with both families identically, since two separate employers are relying on the same schedule and the same child observations.

Common failure modes

Treating "you're basically part of the family" as a substitute for a written agreement — leads directly to unpaid overtime, no defined PTO, and disputes with no reference point to resolve them against.
Silently absorbing scope creep until it produces burnout or an abrupt resignation, instead of raising each instance within the pay period it happens.
Assuming live-in status means hours don't need tracking at all, when it only changes federal overtime exemption, not minimum-wage or state-law obligations, and not the practical need for a record in a dispute.
Giving medicine or driving without explicit written authorization because it seems obviously fine in the moment — the exposure isn't hypothetical, it's what a dispute or an accident turns on.
Having learned to insist on written authorization, overcorrecting into refusing any judgment call (a scraped knee, a missed nap) that the agreement was never meant to require sign-off for — the skill is knowing which decisions carry real exposure, not treating every decision as one.
Assuming mandated-reporter status is identical to a licensed childcare worker's — it varies by state and by whether "private household employee" is a covered category, and defaulting to "someone else already handles this" is the wrong assumption in either direction.

Worked example

Situation. A live-out nanny's written agreement: Monday-Friday, 9am-6pm (9 hrs/day, 45 hrs/week), $22/hr, overtime at 1.5x after 40 hrs/week per the family's FLSA domestic-service-rule obligations. The parents are attending an out-of-town event Wednesday through Friday. They ask the nanny to (a) extend her hours those three days from 9am-6pm to 9am-10pm (13 hrs/day instead of 9), and (b) also cover her sister's two kids, ages 4 and 6, from 3-6pm those same three afternoons, since the sister is traveling to the same event. Nothing about this is in the written agreement. Friday afternoon, the parent texts: "thank you SO much for this week, you're a lifesaver — we'll figure out pay when we're back."

Naive read. Treat it as a favor that will get sorted out informally later, on the reasoning that it's a one-off emergency and pressing for numbers before payday would look transactional.

Expert reasoning. "We'll figure it out" with no numbers attached is exactly the pattern that produces an underpaid or disputed week — the fix is a same-week written reconciliation, not a wait-and-see. Two things stack: overtime on the extended hours, and an additional-child differential for the sister's kids (the family's own nanny-share norm of +$3/hr per extra child applies here even though it isn't a formal share). Total hours this week: 45 scheduled + 12 extra (4 extra hrs × 3 days from the 6pm-to-10pm extension) = 57 hours. Regular pay: 40 hrs × $22 = $880. Overtime: 57 − 40 = 17 hrs × $33 (1.5 × $22) = $561. The sister's two kids were present 3-6pm Wednesday-Friday, 9 hours total, inside the hours already being worked — not extra hours, but extra children — so the additional-child differential applies to those 9 hours only: 9 hrs × $6 (2 kids × $3/hr each) = $54. Total owed: $880 + $561 + $54 = $1,495.

Deliverable — text sent Friday afternoon, before pickup:

> "Quick reconciliation for this week before payday, so we're on the same page: I worked 57 hours total — the regular 45 plus the extra 12 from staying until 10pm Wed–Fri. That's 40 regular hours + 17 overtime hours at time-and-a-half per our agreement. I also had [sister]'s two kids Wed–Fri 3–6pm — using the +$3/hr-per-extra-child rate, that's an extra $54. Total for the week: $1,495 ($880 regular + $561 overtime + $54 additional-child). Happy to send the hour log if useful — and if this becomes a regular thing, let's add sister-coverage as a line in the agreement so we're not recalculating it each time."

Going deeper

references/playbook.md — load for a filled work-agreement clause set, a nanny-tax computation table, a weekly pay-reconciliation template, and age-based screen-time and car-seat reference tables.
references/red-flags.md — load when a pay, scope, safety, or employment-classification situation needs a quick smell test.
references/vocabulary.md — load for terms a non-household-employment generalist misuses (nanny tax, live-in exemption, common-law employee test, nanny-share).

Sources

International Nanny Association (INA) Code of Ethics and Nanny Work Agreement template — placement-industry standard for contract structure and the two-weeks'-notice norm; U.S. Department of Labor, *Application of the Fair Labor Standards Act to Domestic Service* final rule (2013, effective 2015) — live-in/live-out overtime distinction; IRS Publication 926, *Household Employer's Tax Guide*, and Schedule H — nanny-tax withholding and filing threshold (recent years in the $2,600-$2,800/year range; treated here as a moving IRS figure to verify for the current tax year, not a fixed constant); Tracy Hogg with Melinda Blau, *Secrets of the Baby Whisperer* (Ballantine, 2001) — routine-as-curriculum framing for infants and toddlers, widely cited in the nanny community; American Academy of Pediatrics 2016 policy statement on media use in young children (reaffirmed) — the age-based screen-time bands in the playbook; NHTSA car-seat stage guidance — rear-facing/forward-facing/booster transition points by weight and height, verify against the specific seat's manual since limits vary by model; HomePay, HomeWork Solutions, and GTM Payroll — named household-payroll specialists cited for nanny-tax computation practice, not endorsed over one another. No direct practitioner review yet — flag corrections via PR.

View SKILL.md source on GitHub · maturity: draft

Jurisdiction: US (baseline)